Cannibalism In America

10 Jul

From www.mcgeepost.com .Copyright © 2012 Michael H. McGee. All rights reserved. Please feel free to share or re-post all or part non-commercially, hopefully with attribution.

Foodies of the universe, catch the wave on the new gourmet dining craze: Cannibalism.

A confession: I am a cannibal. An observation: an awful lot of Americans are cannibals. It’s true. For me this is a deep confession, a big reveal into the nature of who I am.

Here goes. For many years I relentlessly chewed my nails and the ends of my fingers. Many times I would just swallow the little slivers of flesh torn by my teeth from my cuticles and the edges of my nails. I’m over it now, though occasionally I’ll go ahead and dine on myself.

There were also times when I would get a small cut on my hand or arm. If this happened, I might lick the cut clean of blood, and swallow the blood of my own body, thus once again feasting on my own flesh (I consider my blood to be an integral part of my body and flesh).

There have also been a few times when I devoured the flesh of another, becoming a more classical cannibal. This would occur when I had oral pleasure with a woman who was having her period. Not only blood, but also portions of her recently released placenta, would be swallowed with gusto.

The big star January Jones is into eating her own placenta. Jones matter-of-factly says, “We’re the only mammals who don’t ingest our own placentas… It’s not witch-crafty or anything! I suggest it to all moms!”

She claims that she cannibalizes her own body tissue by having her placenta dried and put into capsules. I suspect she talks about capsules because others might go “ick” if she did what would be the most popular way of self-cannibalization. That would be slicing the placental tissue into thin strips and searing the meat in a wok, mixed with chopped veggies. Yummy! I mean it! Yummy! I’d be willing to try eating placental tissue. It would need to be cooked well done, so any germs or other contaminants in the provider’s body would be burned to oblivion.

There’s another form of cannibalism I’ve heard about, yet I can’t find any celebrity who’s willing to admit to it. When you get liposuction, a lot of fatty tissue is removed from your body. Ask the doctor to save the fatty tissue suctioned from your body, then slice or form it into serving-size pieces. Again, the most tasty way to eat your own fat would be to fry it up into crispy brown bite-sized appetizer snacks.

This dish would be no different than our common dietary item known as pork rinds, also known as pork cracklings or pork scratchings. Then you too will be able to experience the thrill of cannibalism first-hand.

Another form of cannibalism would be the eating of the carefully cooked genitals of a man who’s had sexual reassignment surgery, or the man eating his own genitals after such surgery. There’s no law against doing so. I suspect this practice does already exist here in America. I also suspect it is secret and ritualized, and that no one will ever admit to having done so. Nevertheless, selling these items as food would not violate the government prohibitions against trade in human organs or body parts for transplants. What a loophole!

I can see how it might be possible to sell severed genitals to people in China or Japan for enough money to pay for the whole sex reassignment surgery. Older Asian men tied to tradition are said to be willing to pay almost any amount for such items, which may increase the potency of the person who is the cannibal.

If one really wanted to get into the experience of cannibalism and could not get human tissue from any of the above sources, It would likely be possible to purchase a severed limb from an accident victim through a hospital. Make sure it’s cooked well-done, to avoid the inevitable contaminations within human bodies. Once again, selling such body parts as food would not violate the government prohibitions against trade in human organs or body parts for transplants. Don’t you just love the ability of legal minds to come up with loopholes?

The Mexican artist Diego Rivera, husband of Frida Kahlo, was a young artist in Paris in about 1904. He felt his artistic urge would be strengthened by experiencing as many sensations as he possibly could. So he got human flesh from a corpse and ate it, to experience cannibalism first hand. Well, he did end up as a famous artist, and married one of the most interesting women in the world. Maybe there’s a lesson to be had here!

3 Responses to “Cannibalism In America”

  1. Lifeisacelebration July 11, 2012 at 1:41 am #

    Oh my, how your legal mind works! Quirky take indeed on “exotic” cuisine 😜

  2. Alberto Paulino July 17, 2012 at 5:01 am #

    Wow, this is a sure way to stop the stem cell science from progressing, let’s be cannibals instead!

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